The Holy Secret by James L. Ferrell

Kathy in Bismarck gave me a beautifully inscribed copy of this book after I asked her if I could borrow hers. I heard her talk about it one evening and she was so positive about it, I wanted to read it. She mentioned having read it multiple times, so I thought it was one I needed to read, even though I suspected I had already read it at some point in my past. I was so enthused about C. Terry Warner, and the Arbinger institute that he founded, that I read a lot of their books probably 8 or 10 years ago. Ferrell is president of Arbinger, and I had read one of his earlier books for sure, The Peacegiver. They build on Warner's ideas, but are more allegorical. They don't resonate particularly well for me, and I'm not sure why. Warner is much more understandable to me and just makes sense. Ferrell tells stories, and they all seem pretty contrived. But his point isn't the story, it's the message.

As in other books of his, this one is a story. This particular one is about two men talking and learning together. I think in order to get more out of it, I need to read it again with my scriptures and try to trace the thinking in the examples. I did get a lot out of it, and am still thinking about his assertion that we need to learn to LOVE what is holy and that often, we do not. In particular, he believes we need to learn to love three things that will increase our holiness: the scriptures, the temple, and the sabbath.

A quote that stopped me in my tracks is this one, in the preface:

"If we do not enjoy holiness here, we will not have the opportunity to experience it there."

Another thought I liked is that we need to apply the cleansing agent of holiness. It reminds me of applying the atonement or of seeking and finding grace. All of these create a similar impulse and result, I think.

In his section on loving the holy scriptures, Ferrell's example of from the Book of Mormon is particularly fascinating and accurate. He explicates why Nephi continually mentions that his family dwelt in a TENT. And then explores all the implications of this and it really opens up the story more. It's a great example of how increased understanding really does enlighten the meaning and potential application. It helps me slow down when I read the scriptures and to ask more questions. The answers come easily in this book, and not so easy when I'm on my own! It's a worthy pursuit, however, and I have been trying more, especially during my scripture study opportunities in the quiet baptistry of the temple.

I definitely need to explore more the examples of holiness through temple worship and sabbath day observance. And I will!

Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute

This book builds on the powerful ideas in C. Terry Warner's book, Bonds that Make us Free. The ideas are explained in a scenario of a new employee in a company. As he is being oriented, the ideas of self-deception are illustrated and explained. It's a quick read and it's easy to follow the idea of the "boxes" we put ourselves in. It feels just a little pedantic or forced in some ways, but still, the ideas come through. And the ideas are quite freeing. This list is helpful (page 105):
Self-Betrayal

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal."
2. When I betray myself I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So--when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

Now here's the list for knowing the material:
(page 174)

• Self-betrayal leads to self-deception and "the box."
• When you're in the box you can't focus on results.
• Your influence and success will depend on being out of the box.
• You get out of the box as you cease resisting other people.

And here's the list for living the material:
(Page 174)

• Don't try to be perfect. Do try to be better.
• Don't use the vocabulary--the box-- and so on, with people who don't already know it.
• Do use the principles in your own life.
• Don't look for others' boxes. Do look for your own.
• Don't accuse others of being in the box.
• Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
• Don't give up on yourself when you discover you've been in the box. Do keep trying.
• Don't deny that you've been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.
• Don't focus on what others are doing wrong.
• Do focus on what you can do right to help.
• Don't worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

Sometimes these metaphors are too "cutesy" for me, but this one makes sense. It's tough to explain to people, and even tougher to live. But I am trying, and I am succeeding. Hooray!!!