Slow Sex - The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm by Nicole Daedone

 This book was recommended by Dr. Jennifer Finlayson Fife, a licensed therapist who specializes in working with LDS couples on sexuality and relationship issues. I took an online course from her this year, and have listened to multiple podcasts and interviews that are so impressive! She's a great thinker, a faithful member of the church, and a brilliant therapist. In short, I respect her opinion, and didn't hesitate to order this book.

And it did not disappoint! Although the author is clearly "out there," she does have some liberating and wonderful ideas about female sexual pleasure. She recommends a unique practice of "orgasmic meditation" and this book specifies how to do it. Maybe I should explain what I mean by "out there." Her recommendation is to practice OM daily. And she isn't too choosy about who her partner should be. That's what I mean by "out there." Perhaps, since we haven't attempted to practice this daily, I shouldn't dismiss the idea. But I DO dismiss the idea of casual intimate partners. 

The gift of this reading, though, was for me to learn how to really enjoy physical intimacy, even when not feeling particularly aroused. This is a method for helping to create arousal and pleasure, without the need for an orgasm, per se. This has been a wonderful addition to our marriage and has created a deeper intimacy. 

Passionate Marriage - Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, Ph.D.

 This book was mentioned in an interview with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a wonderful therapist whose opinion I value highly. She bases much of her practice and thinking on David Schnarch's work and spoke so highly of him and this book that I decided to order it.

I love the author's attitude! He's accessible, positive, and warm. He uses his wealth of counseling experiences to teach via story and example. He's so positive and accepting of people and their struggles that it's easy to see why he would be an effective therapist.

One basic tenet of his, that Finlayson-Fife also teaches, is that a successful and loving relationship can only be built on two separate and whole individuals. We need to offer our whole, complete selves to the relationship, and encounter another whole and complete individual. Many of his illustrations illustrate the importance of this... With an emotionally needy person, it's very difficult to build a relationship. Both parts need to be strong and individual and come together in strength. We do not "fill each other's needs," or "complete each other." It's only then that a person has the wherewith all to be in a mature, nurturing and equal partnership. The "one up" and "one down" in power in a relationship, for example, leads to sexual dysfunction.

Another interesting and encouraging thesis of Shnarch's is that it takes decades to develop a satisfying sexual relationship; and not just in the sexual realm. But his point is that intimacy is deep, complex, and satisfying and we can't reap the rewards of such a relationship in a short-term time-span. He celebrates the rewards of long-term relationship, and I really like that idea. That it's worth the work and commitment because the rewards are so great.

Basically, what Schnarch and Finlayson-Fife (and others like Daedone) posit is that we need to know our own desires. We need to own them. We need to know what we want and work positively to get what we want, and not just sexually, but in our lives in general. We must know ourselves and be a working, growing, learning individual in all realms of our lives. This whole person can then come together with another whole person and create a loving and powerful bond that is immensely satisfying. It's a call for interdependence, and sometimes I just want independence because it's easier! But it's also less satisfying. I guess you need both, and as Leonard and I age, we'll continue to work on all aspects of ourselves and our relationship. The tension between independence and interdependence is something I continue to work out on an almost daily basis. How lucky am I?

The Hotel South Dakota - A Tory Bauer Mystery - by Kathleen Taylor

I read this one years ago, and thought it quite light and fun. It seemed like a good choice to throw in my bag for our recent road trip to Minneapolis and Rochester, MN, for a new car purchase and our Mayo checkups during the COVID-19 pandemic. It was.

I like the setting of a small East River South Dakota town. I like the time period -- it's about a high school reunion of folks about my age, and both time periods resonate with me. I enjoy the author's humor. The mystery aspects got a little too complex for me, but that seems to be par for the course for me lately.

I laughed out loud a couple of times. But is it a great story or great writing or interesting characters? Not especially. The bad guys are one-dimensional and the good guys are not that interesting. But for light reading on a summer road trip? Perfect way to get away.

Echoes of Eden by E. Douglas Clark

The subtitle is "Eternal Lessons from our First Parents"
Even though this book is ten years old, it feels very current with my thinking and the thinking I'm hearing from guests on the Maxwell Institute Podcast and the Leading Saints podcast. This author inspired hope in me about my role as a wife and partner. Using wonderful and interesting sources, not well-known, he makes a strong case for absolute equal partnership between husbands and wives.

For years in the church we have heard, "Women and men are equal, but the man presides in the home." Or similar. This is counsel that I heard and heeded. But it did not lead me to a good place. I often abdicated my responsibility for thinking and doing; instead, I got lazy and left it up to Leonard in many cases. I blamed the above doctrine for this. And I was wrong, very wrong!

This author does a beautiful job of giving examples of how Eve and Sariah were powerful and respected and vital partners in the work of their husbands. They were in it together, just as our Heavenly Parents intended it. Looking at their lives, it inspired me to be more devoted in my partnership with Leonard and to take my place as his equal. Not to abdicate. I loved President Hinckley's clear counsel on this matter, but somehow I didn't hear it. Now I do.

I really enjoyed this book and the new meaning it gave to my understanding as a wife. And it also helped me appreciate many of the aspects of their lives that I had never before considered. Well worth the read!

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

My dear friend Leslie sent me this book during our sequestering for the COVID-19 virus. She had just finished it and thought I might enjoy it. We had been talking on a walk(via airpods since she's in Laramie) and her description of it intrigued me. Well, from the opening page, I knew this book was going to be great! It was. Hooray!

It's so seldom, lately, that I find a book I adore This is one. As soon as I finished it, I began again from the first page so that I could pick up the little hints and red herrings the author had dropped along the way. My memory is such that I miss a lot from week to week, so it helped to just open it again. I had read it slowly because it is so beautifully written, so I would occasionally forget the characters. The second time through I also went slowly and just savored his use of language.

It was also interesting to notice the author's style. He frequently used the pattern of THREE...in his sentences, there were very often three things listed. I started noticing and marking that pattern, and then found them everywhere! Plus the number three was significant throughout the book... I probably didn't catch them all, but this author is so cryptic and intelligent that I know these were all purposeful. I enjoyed catching them. Plus, he uses alliteration and assonance CONSTANTLY! So fun to notice...

And his clues along the way--wrapped brown packages, unfinished thoughts, etc., show up again later. I loved following these threads like a mystery. And the main character, the "Gentleman" was such a fine person and the way he developed over the time span in the novel was beautiful. I loved his sense of humor, too.

It was interesting to read this particular story in the midst of quarantine from a pandemic! This main character is sequestered too, and couldn't leave the hotel because of his sentence to stay there. The political backdrop of the young USSR was fascinating to read about too.

I also enjoyed the way the author played with time...very short time spans, then expanded time spans in the middle, and again short time spans at the end. Very clever! And how about the fact that the climax of the book -- the unexpected return of a grown up Nina -- occurs at EXACTLY the middle of the book? So many amazing things this author did...plus all the chapter titles begin with "A" and fit the content perfectly.

Have I even mentioned the culinary delights beautifully described? Mouth-watering and discerning! And the sumptuous characterizations. Fabulously interesting and unexpected. Laugh-out-loud witty dialogue and shenanigans. And a completely fresh and beautifully rendered story. A great book on all counts. (Get it???) YES. I love this book and will savor it again soon. I think I need to send copies to Melissa and Sierra. If they enjoy it half as much as I did, it will be worth it!!!

February 2025

I just read this wonderful book again, because I wanted to be refreshed in my memory for our book club discussion last night. It was so gratifying that my women friends (except one) really loved this book too. And I made Latvian Stew and served it with brown bread from the Village Bakery; so yummy!!! The recipe for the stew I found on Amor Towles' website. It's a delicious pork, carrot, and carmelized onion stew, sweetened with dried apricots and prumes! Sooooo delicious, and I also added some baby potatoes. 

Off the Grid by C.J. Box

Sequestering gift table in our apartment's front lobby yielded a bunch of C.J. Box novels. I had heard of him, as a western kind of writer, and thought I'd like to try him out. But the reviews on Amazon were not such that I wanted to spend money on him. So it was a happy surprise for me to see this and many other "Joe Pickett" novels on the table. I thought I shouldn't be greedy and would start with just taking one. I chose "Off the Grid" because it wasn't named something like the others which all seemed to have a lot to do with COLD, ice, or blood! I was also hoping it would be near the beginning of the series so I would have some context. Looking in the front of the book for the list, this one came second, and the first one wasn't on the table, so it seemed a good choice. Later I realized this is the second to the latest--the publisher had put them in reverse order, probably to fool people like me! But no matter, I'm not going back for more.

That's not to say it wasn't an enjoyable, fairly clean read. It was. I liked the characters--the silent strong Nate, a falconer, and the hapless Joe Pickett and his family. They were likable and admirable. Their situation was interesting too--terrorists hiding out in the desert in Wyoming. I could feel the authenticity of the Wyoming--incuding UW--vibe. But it's not great writing and it's not great plotting, just good and a page-turner. Box definitely keeps the tension high as the adventure unfolds. That part was enjoyable. The dialogue was a little stilted and unreal too, at times. Uneven, I'd say. I enjoyed the scenery and the birds and the little I learned about falconry.

I know there are better books and better choices. This one wasn't bad, but it's going back on the table for someone else to pick up.

Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

So the first time I came across Marie Forleo was when she interviewed Brené Brown. I liked her open and enthusiastic style. Then I heard life coach Jody Moore talk about this book on her podcast and how it had motivated her to act and the philosophy had become central to her work and life. I thought it would be worth looking into... Oh, and then, driving in a rental car from Sacramento to Napa on our last trip out there, I listened to someone interview Marie on his show. She was so inspiring and energizing that I thought, I will order that book when I get home! She talked about her B-School and how she's a multi-passionate entrepreneur, so I thought her message might also resonate with Eli. He's trying to figure out if teaching is really for him or not...

So, the book came and I sailed through it. It's quite easy to read, very entertaining and light, even though the message is strong. I did not stop and do the exercises, which I think would be very beneficial...however, I'm just not in the mood right now. Parts of her message though, and exercises did get through and have motivated me to get going on more writing. Even without the exercises...just thinking about them is helpful too. Like engaging with your future self, like listing what it is you really want to do, how to prioritize the list, and how to start taking action NOW, in doable steps. All good.

Forleo is young and she has accomplished a lot and learned a lot. She has lots of war stories to illustrate her points, and that's what makes the book fun. She also has stories from her B-School graduates that are inspiring. Great quotes are interspersed throughout the text, and so are interview links to her MarieTV show.

Having said all that, though, the book is also slightly annoying. Maybe it's because she's young and confident, and not at all humble? I like confidence, and she does acknowledge her help along the way,  but she's slightly cocky. This has gotten her far, but it doesn't resonate all that well with 69=year-old me. She's also very informal in her language and tone, and sometimes it's fun and other times it become annoying. I really dislike her use of the F-bomb and other crude expressions, but it does feel authentic when she does, because that's who she is... I could still get the message and not be offended. Just don't think it's necessary.... And maybe her confidence and cockiness and language will help her connect with her generation and those younger--I'm guessing she's about Eli's age, so it will be fascinating to see what he thinks of it. In the meantime I encouraged him to watch some MarieTV so we'll see how that hits him.

Here's her table of contents so I can remember how she organized her philosophy:

1. The Tropicana Orange - the story of her ambitious, indefatigable mother
2. Your Road Map to Results
3. The Magic of Belief
4. Eliminate Excuses - Good stuff here to be on to yourself
5. How to Deal with the Fear of Anything (Reframe it as excitement, for example)
6. Define Your Dream
7. Start Before You're Ready - (Best advice of all, I think, since I'm prone to research and prepare to death before jumping into the arena)
8. Progress Not Perfection (Kind of like Jody Moore's B- work philosophy)
9. Refuse to be Refused - also applicable to me who doesn't want to push people too hard
10. The World Needs Your Special Gift - another good argument for jumping into the arena
11. Epilogue - I really liked this-- "Go beyond yourself. Think in terms of we not me." In other words, your dream will be more satisfying and joyful if you include others or lift others as part of that dream. Very good chapter here.... One headline is "Be a figureoutable force for good at work."

She cites a lot of research and does it in a way that is simple. Sometimes overly simple, but she doesn't get bogged down in details and cites her sources so you can check it out if you want more detail. I appreciated that. Carol Dweck, for example, is one of her sources.

Others' quotes I liked:

"Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, "What else could this mean?"" Shannon L Alder - page 97

"A surplus of effort could overcome a deficit of confidence." Sonia Sotomayor - page. 159

"There are two types of pain you will go through in life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons." Jim Rohn- page 155

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity." Amelia Earhart - page 140

"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how." Viktor Frankl - page 135

"There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy." Friedrich Nietzsche - p. 107

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron