Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler

 This is the second of two Anne Tyler books I picked up for next to nothing or maybe they were free. This one was worth more than I paid, for sure!

This author amazed me with her ability to describe thought patterns so familiar to me, in her main character, Rebecca. This woman had a busy, service-driven, frenetic life, and wondered what she had become. She didn't feel like herself anymore. Yet she was in her fifties...Still, how she thought and what challenged her, and her frequent negativity mirrored many of mine these past few years. 

Another intriguing aspect was her wondering about "the road not taken." She had jilted her high school boyfriend for an older man who swept her off her feet. Years after her husband died, she wondered what her first love was doing, what he was like, what her life would have been like if she had a "do-over."

And somehow she found the courage to look him up, meet him, explore a relationship with him. I loved how her ruminating and fantasizing were challenged by reality. Her obsession with her weight and wanting to look her best was familiar to me. 

This author did an amazing job of describing Rebecca's full life of service to her family that she couldn't always appreciate. When her old boyfriend meets her family, she's embarrassed by how they look and act, and yet HE obviously marvels and appreciates them. I think this is often how I am...worried about the wrong things! Her life is full and she somehow can't see it. The way she cares for Poppy, the hundred year old uncle, begins to open her eyes. She's been blind to the joy she creates all around her. 

The family that she's nurtured all these years obviously takes her for granted, and she notices it. She's the center of the family in many ways. She keeps the family business and home going. It's easy to understand how she felt unappreciated and put upon. It was good to see at the end that she realized that she really was having a wonderful time. 

It was a good reminder for me of the power of our thinking, and how our circumstances don't dictate our happiness or unhappiness, it's how we think about our circumstances. I think it was cool that she reached out for something different and gave it a fair chance. And it showed her growth that she wasn't willing to be the safety net for a lonely and stodgy man. I loved how her heart softened around Poppy, when she finally realized that she would enjoy it more if she allowed her heart to soften. Maybe that's what this whole story was about; how choosing a better lens to see one's situation literally changes the situation.