Filled with His Love - Strengthening Our Attachment to God and to Others by Russell T. Osguthorpe

 We love the Osguthorpes!

We first met them when they moved to Rapid City to serve as the leaders of the Rapid City South Dakota Mission in the late 1990s. We enjoyed their friendship for their three years and also visited them in Provo after they were released. Two decades later they served as President and Matron of the Bismarck, North Dakota Temple, and we spent many weekends with them working in the temple. We love their example and their easy, accessible style of loving and friendship. 

Russ and Lolly wrote a book together that I just about wore out studying, called Choose to Learn. Now he's written this book, birthed during the Covid pandemic. This is both spiritual and practical. He asked me to write a review for Amazon and Good reads, so here's my first draft: 

I love when someone takes compelling research from "the world" and applies it to Christian doctrine and practice. In this book, Osguthorpe takes Attachment theory, and uses it as the lens through which to view Gospel principles. I like the blending of religious doctrine (of love and mercy, for example) and how they play out in attachment theory. 

From the introduction:

This book contains three parts. In part one, I introduce the idea of attachment and describe how parent-child relationships can eventually affect adult relationships (particularly marriage) in either positive or negative ways. In part two, I discuss the centrality of one’s attachment to God and how our attachment to God affects all other relationships. Finally, in part three, I focus on how we can strengthen our attachment to God and to others. This final section of the book rests on the assumption that strengthening our attachment to God and to others is, in fact, the primary purpose of mortality. My hope is that the suggestions offered in part three can help readers examine their own relationships and put into practice those suggestions that will lead to stronger, healthier attachments with those they love.

He uses an attachment "frame" to characterize human relationships. The grid is a helpful guide to understand how our self-worth and sociability can result in either secure, anxious, avoidant, or dysfunctional attachment styles. He uses a similar frame with human to God relationships, with self-worth and spiritual strength as the measures. This schema, illustrated in grid-form, helped me understand his assertion that understanding these attachment styles can guide us to specific behaviors to strengthen our attachments and improve our relationships. After all, he asserts, "Attachments bring us the most joy we can feel in mortality." 

While this may sound somewhat esoteric, Osguthorpe uses stories from his life to illustrate these concepts all along the way. Part three, in particular, is fueled by stories and examples that make his suggestions inviting and compelling. His life, family, and friends are colorful and wide-ranging; these are stories to be treasured. 

This is an encouraging and affirming book. One of my favorite chapters is "Live in Mercy and Grace," where he writes: "Living in mercy helps us look past mistakes, and living in grace gives us the power to move forward, pick up the pieces, redirect our thoughts and actions and become a new creature." Another chapter, called "Care for the Whole Soul" invites readers to make healthy choices. He writes: "The oneness of spirit and body that comprises our soul is key to forming healthy attachments. When we do anything that has the potential to improve our physical health, our mental-spiritual health can improve as well. And when we do something to address our mental-spiritual condition, we will feel better physically." 

I found value in considering some of my relationships through the attachment theory lens. In fact, I'm still wondering about how our daughter's first six weeks of life in a hospital affect our parent-child attachment. Osguthorpe's suggestions are welcome additions to my thinking and understanding about that particular connection. As I navigate other, more challenging relationships, I feel encouraged by his assertion that avoidant, anxious, and even dysfunctional relationships can be transformed into more secure and healthy attachments.

And even though the book is engaging and encouraging on its own, there's a bonus: Osguthorpe expands these ideas in a free podcast. His natural warmth comes through his voice and examples. It's like having a personal guide walking by your side, encouraging and believing in you.