A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson

(1999)
This is the first of two books that Jann was reading and wrote about to me. This one is about Joan Anderson's first struggle to find out who she is when her empty nest made her feel empty and her marriage was lacking. She's only 50 in this book and so it's interesting to read about her thinking and how it develops over a year of living in relative solitude while she figures out what she wants to do and be.

Here's an excerpt: (from page 58)
She's describing some women customers who come into the fish market where she is working.

"I've never had the privilege of being "kept," if, in fact, it is a privilege. I look at the scrupulously scrubbed faces of these mannequinlike women and wonder, Does having it all make you happier or sadder? Does it make you free?

My back is aching, but several lobster tanks need to be scrubbed. I think I'm more than a tad bit jealous of them. Still, there are ground rules I'm certain they must live by, rules set up by their husbands and society that they must obey. Earning one's own keep has a great deal of merit."

I remind myself each time I want to quit that this job is about my independence as well as learning to rise above criticism, honor my ignorance, and deal with my occasional arrogance. And, having surrendered to a simpler life, I am finding excitement in little things that others might think dull."

This excerpt if typical of the honest and soft eyes through which this author sees the world. I really enjoyed her insights about her husband, her sons, and her daughters-in-law. She takes full responsibility for her feelings and thinking. She's honest and frank without being critical or judgmental. It's like being a cognitive apprentice for someone who wants to be content and who wants to let others also be content. I related to many of her struggles and appreciated her conclusion that she needs to let go of her urges to orchestrate and control others. It was also helpful and instructive that she found the right friend, Joan Erickson, who helped her thinking. Good friends have certainly helped me along the way.

And in this modern day, when many so-called feminists eshew the need or desire for a husband, it was refreshing to see how she was able to welcome her husband back into her life and to agree to build a new kind of marriage together. A very hopeful book. I liked it a lot.