How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth, & Karen Dillon

I bought this book as a graduation gift for a wonderful senior in high school who is headed off to college this Fall. Even though she is mature beyond her years, I am not sure if this book will connect with her. It's pretty sophisticated and geared for college grads, especially those getting their MBA's or other advanced degrees. It will be interesting to see how she likes it. It's never too soon to start thinking about this question, so maybe this will give her a head start.
I totally admire this author, and have for years. His book on disruptive innovations was groundbreaking. And his book applying disruptive innovation theory to schools (Disrupting Class) was required reading at our office. I didn't realize until later, when I saw a link on his Harvard Business School webpage, that Christensen was a member of our church. The link said something like, What I Believe and Why I Belong. It's an incredible essay about why he's a devout Mormon. Thus it was not surprising to me later when I heard that he had given a life-changing graduation address to HBS graduates in 2010. This address became the stuff of legend, and then became the basis for this book.

The book is divided into three sections, with each devoted to answering the following questions:

How can I be sure that...

1. I will be successful and happy in my career?
2. My relationships with my spouse, my children, and my extended family and close friends become an enduring source of happiness?
3. I live a life of integrity--and stay out of jail? 

He chose to focus on these three questions because at his own HBS reunions, he noticed many of his classmates struggled in these areas over the years. He then offers theories that have grown out of his decades of experience in business and in his own family and applies them to these three areas. He's careful to note that applying these theories to your life is hard work and takes decades. He's not advocating any quick fixes; instead, he's offering frameworks for people to build their lives on. He calls these frameworks theories, and then encourages readers to begin to build their own. His own stories of applying the theories are fascinating; many from business, and many from his own life. I think his parenting theory (purposefully create your family culture) could have helped our family immeasurably!
I also learned some new things about business in reading this book. Sometimes I felt the applicability to a personal life from a business theory was a bit of a stretch, but overall, the stories and theories are very helpful and applicable. He writes (p.17): "These theories are powerful tools. I have applied many of them to my own life; others I wish I'd had available to me when I was younger, struggling with a problem. You'll see that without theory, we're at sea without a sextant. If we can't see beyond what's close by, we're relying on chance--on the currents of life--to guide us. Good theory helps people steer to good decisions--not just in business, but in life, too."

Notes from Section 1 - Career
Frederick Herzberg's research on motivation -Job satisfaction and dissatisfaction are separate, independent measures. You can both love and hate your job. He distinguishes between hygiene factors (things like compensation, status, security, & work conditions) and motivation factors. The hygiene factors are important, especially if they are absent; these cause dissatisfaction. But the motivators are different--these are things that deeply satisfy us, and cause us to love our work. The motivators include:

• challenging work
• recognition
• responsibility
• personal growth

Christensen notes that many people choose their jobs based on the hygiene factors and not the motivating factors, and end up dissatisfied with their work. In particular, it's easy to think that a big salary will be motivating, but it is NOT. "We should always remember that beyond a certain point, hygiene factors such as money, status, compensation, and job security are much more a by-product of being happy with a job rather than the cause of it. Realizing this frees us to focus on things that really matter." (page.40)
The kinds of questions you should ask yourself include: (p.41)

• Is this work meaningful to me?
• Is this job going to give me a chance to develop?
• Am I going to learn new things?
• Will I have an opportunity for recognition and achievement?
• Am I going to be given responsibility?

The answers to these questions (above) focus on the motivating factors...

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Deliberate Strategy vs. Emergent Strategy (balance of calculation and serendipity)
Christensen gives several fascinating business examples where leaders could not step away from their "deliberate" strategy and take advantage of "emergent" opportunities. Then he likens this struggle to our lives... How do we know when to pursue our established goals and when to pursue a serendipitous opportunity instead? He suggests asking this question (p. 56):

"What are the most important assumptions that have to prove true in order for me to be able to succeed in this environment?"

He then says you should list these assumptions and ask if they are within your control. "It's also important to ask yourself what assumptions have to prove true for you to be happy in the choice you are contemplating. Are you basing your position on extrinsic or intrinsic motivators? Why do you think this is going to be something you enjoy doing? What evidence do you have? Every time you consider a career move, keep thinking about the most important assumptions that have to prove true, and how you can swiftly and inexpensively test if they are valid. Make sure you are being realistic about the path ahead of you."

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The last "big idea" in Section 1 has to do with resource allocation. It was a strong reminder to me that where I spend my time, energy, and money makes an important statement about what matters most to me. Christensen encourages us to compare our strategy (our values) to where we spend our time, talents, energy, and money and see how well they are aligned. Simple and powerful.

Section 2 - Relationships

The first big idea in this section relates to investing early in things that pay off later. Later it's too late. He relates this especially well to raising children and research on even infants needing to hear intelligent language and communication.

The second big idea relates to developing a deep understanding of what is important to the other person in a relationship. He looks at relationships in a "job to be done" way. He uses the example of schooling with kids...(p. 111): "The two fundamental jobs that children need to do are to feel successful and to have friends--every day. Sure, they could hire school to get these jobs done. Some achieve success and friends in the classroom, the band, the math club, or the basketball team. But to feel successful and have friends, they could also drop out of school and join a gang, or buy a car and cruise the streets. Viewed from the perspective of jobs, it becomes very clear that schools don't often do these jobs well at all--in fact, all too often, schools are structured to help most students feel like failures. We had assumed going in (during his research for Disrupting Class) that those who succeed at school do so because they are motivated. But we concluded that all students are similarly motivated--to succeed. The problem is, only a fraction of students feel success at school." Earlier in the chapter he gives a business example of marketing V8. When it was marketed against other "soft drinks" it didn't do well. But when it was marketed as a way to get your daily dose of vegetables, sales zoomed. Its "job to be done" was different. There's also a great story about milkshakes!

On page 115 - "This may sound counterintuitive, but I deeply believe that the path to happiness in a relationship is not just about finding someone who you think is going to make you happy. Rather, the reverse is equally true: the path to happiness is about finding someone who you want to make happy, someone whose happiness is worth devoting yourself to. If what causes us to fall deeply in love is mutually understanding and then doing each other's job to be done, then I have observed that what cements that commitment is the extent to which I sacrifice myself to help her succeed and for her to be happy." He continues...
"This principle--that sacrifice deepens our commitment--doesn't just work in marriages. It applies to members of our family and close friends, as well as organizations and even cultures and nations."

The rest of this section has powerful ideas that I wish I had understood better when our kids were small. He writes about "outsourcing" our kids' training to coaches and tutors, for example. Another great example is what we should NOT do for our kids, to help them learn responsibility. He has example after example of what this looks like. One idea that I especially value is "The Invisible Hand Inside Your Family" (page 158) that describes creating and sustaining a family culture. This is great stuff! Inspiring and practical at the same time. The lessons about culture apply equally well to our work environments and had me thinking about how to improve that as well. He reminds us that whether we mindfully create the kind of culture we want or whether we just let it happen, culture WILL form. Why would we not want to create the kind we want!? (It takes a lot of work and requires consistency, but is well worth it.)

Section 3 - Staying Out of Jail
This is the shortest section of the book and one that I am still wondering about. He writes eloquently about holding to your purpose and standards. He reminds us to be consistent in keeping our commitments or personal standards of integrity and that it is easier to keep them 100% of the time than it is to keep them 98% of the time. Life is a never-ending series of "extenuating circumstances" that we will forever be manipulating once we start compromising. I think this is wonderful advice but I am wondering about where to draw the line. I do not want to be a slave to my standards and be inflexible.  I'm going to have to think this over and decide what is really important to be uncompromising about and what to be flexible about.

The Epilogue gives some help with the foregoing dilemma. He recommends developing a purpose, and for him that is a three-part purpose. When one's purpose is clear, then I think the dilemma about what you will and won't bend on also becomes clear.

The 3 parts of purpose (p. 195):
1. likeness - what you hope you will build; what that looks like
2. commitment - to the likeness you will build
3. metrics - by which you will measure your progress

On page 196, he describes this process for a business: "These three parts comprise a company's purpose. Companies that aspire to positive impact must never leave their purpose to chance. Worthy purposes rarely emerge inadvertently; the world is too full of mirage, paradox, and uncertainty to leave this to fate. Purpose must be deliberately conceived and chosen, and then pursued. When that is in place, however, then how the company gets there is typically emergent--as opportunities and challenges emerge and are pursued. The greatest corporate leaders are conscious of the power of purpose in helping their companies make their mark on the world." He then likens this process to us as individuals. The type of person we want to become should not be left to chance! But how we become that person will be an emergent process. And then he reminds us that this is a process, not an event. He took years to fully understand his own purpose.

After discussing different parts of his life, he shares how these contributed to his distilled likeness of what he wants to become: (p. 199)

• a man who is dedicated to helping improve the lives of other people
• a kind, honest, forgiving, and selfless husband, father, and friend
• a man who just doesn't believe in God, but who believes God

He then describes the process he used to determine if this was the right likeness for him, and how he wanted to be sure this likeness was what God wanted him to become. This process led to his commitment. The process involved a significant sacrifice of time away from his studies as a Rhodes Scholar, but he has never regretted the process and feels he applies this knowledge every day of his life. Finding the right metric came about fifteen years later. This also makes for an interesting story that focuses on his influence on individuals rather than on influencing large numbers of people in any position of power, etc. It seems to me that finding my own commitment and metric will be an interesting process...

The acknowledgements at the end of the book reveal a lot about the three authors. Christensen shares some of his health issues that show how his co-authors supported him, and his co-authors describe how Christensen is in "real life." Reading this part made me realize that this author is authentic in living what he espouses in the book. Good stuff!