Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute

This book builds on the powerful ideas in C. Terry Warner's book, Bonds that Make us Free. The ideas are explained in a scenario of a new employee in a company. As he is being oriented, the ideas of self-deception are illustrated and explained. It's a quick read and it's easy to follow the idea of the "boxes" we put ourselves in. It feels just a little pedantic or forced in some ways, but still, the ideas come through. And the ideas are quite freeing. This list is helpful (page 105):
Self-Betrayal

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal."
2. When I betray myself I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So--when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

Now here's the list for knowing the material:
(page 174)

• Self-betrayal leads to self-deception and "the box."
• When you're in the box you can't focus on results.
• Your influence and success will depend on being out of the box.
• You get out of the box as you cease resisting other people.

And here's the list for living the material:
(Page 174)

• Don't try to be perfect. Do try to be better.
• Don't use the vocabulary--the box-- and so on, with people who don't already know it.
• Do use the principles in your own life.
• Don't look for others' boxes. Do look for your own.
• Don't accuse others of being in the box.
• Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
• Don't give up on yourself when you discover you've been in the box. Do keep trying.
• Don't deny that you've been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.
• Don't focus on what others are doing wrong.
• Do focus on what you can do right to help.
• Don't worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

Sometimes these metaphors are too "cutesy" for me, but this one makes sense. It's tough to explain to people, and even tougher to live. But I am trying, and I am succeeding. Hooray!!!