Kingsolver is one of my favorite authors. My sister Ann recommended this one, which surprisingly I hadn't yet read. Her book club read it and she thought I would enjoy it. I did!
As usual, Kingsolver's characters are fascinating and their conversations make me chuckle. Her metaphors are AMAZING and often stop me in my tracks. I loved how the story unfolded and how Dellarobia Turnbow's character developed over the year of the story. It was a delightful read, even though the subject was a hard one...a marriage ending and climate change!
The science instruction inherent in any Kingsolver book is a gift to me. (Prodigal Summer comes to mind, in particular.) Weaving science into the story makes it much easier for me to understand and be interested. I appreciate the education!
Now here's the part that I found disappointing... This marriage and family is struggling. It's heart breaking to watch, yet so understandable! Dellarobia's thinking is such that any woman could relate--and her love of her children is clear and palpable. Her experiences in church and with her in-laws are all intriguing, often funny, and often heart-breaking. I was hoping throughout the whole story that Dellarobia would find a way to make it all work without divorce. That she did not, was disappointing.
I know many would cite irreconcilable differences, but I would not. Her husband Cub has a good heart, which she recognizes. They've already overcome so many challenges! She doesn't see a way to be a leader or have more patience with her situation or somehow make it work. That was disappointing because it could have been a road map for a different way of thinking and acting... This view of "finding ourselves" and putting ourselves first in a selfish way is the way of our current culture. There's a better way...See the excerpt from Yearning for the Living God by F. Enzio Busche that I added at the end of my reflection. That's an example of how different thinking might have helped this marriage succeed.
And let me say right here...it's easy to blame one's partner. But as I have learned from life, and first from C. Terry Warner, that when you give a (difficult or unlikeable) person a different kind of person to respond to, they change! In other words, YOU change, and the other person does too, in response, because you are giving that person a different person to respond to. My explanation is clumsy, but I know it's a true principle! It even works with children--and if you think about it and experiment with it, you will see that I am right! It's a wonderful, powerful principle because YOU have the power to change...and hence the situation does too.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Yearning for the Living God by F. Enzio Busche
My friend Sally lent this book to Len because she thought he would enjoy it. This was after he had told her how he'd been watching lots of Nazi/World War II documentaries. He began reading it, said it was good, so I picked it up to read on our Arizona vacation.
It's a good read, with lots of anecdotes about what life was like growing up in Nazi Germany. Elder Busche tells his history with examples as well as analysis of what was going on at that time. He really gives unusual context for the thinking and prevailing culture of the decades during and after the second World War. Then he recounts his conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and tells the stories of his experiences with the church over the course of his lifetime.
These stories are unusually frank and intimate. He recounts his struggles and challenges candidly and in a way that his readers can learn from. I was most impressed with the period he was a branch president in Dortmund and led his congregation in building their own chapel. The way he balanced work, family life, and church service was amazing. It's faith-promoting to read about someone so committed to doing the right thing. His readers have to respect his commitment to living the high character standards set by his father. I also enjoyed the many photographs that show his growth and his family's changes over the decades.
Elder Busche also shares many faith-promoting stories of people he's known over the years, from business associates to destitute and humble members of his congregation. Their stories and impact on him are fascinating. It's also uplifting to read about the many miracles in his life and how he attributes them to the Lord. The title is apt; he seeks the Lord and continually finds Him.
********************************************************************************
Here's a sample from the chapter "Saints of the World." Pages 230-233 - I want to remember this example because it's a beautiful reminder of where our hearts should be! And how differently the world views these issues...
In the early yeas of my membership I had the opportunity to counsel with one young sister who was going to get married. She was about twenty-nine years old and was a refugee. She was very educated, articulate, and talented. She had also been on a mission. She had met a young member who was just twenty-one. He had hardly any education and was a blue-collar worker. Not only was he much younger than she was, but he was also much shorter.
I saw nothing wrong with them getting together because I feel that when two people are committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ, all other aspects do not mater. I believe that under the influence of the Spirit, any marriage can become a success. They were married in the temple. However, about a year later, the sister came to me again and said, "I've made a terrible mistake." She was crying and said, "I cannot go through with this." I was shocked. I felt, in my innocence, that there was no way anyone could get out of a temple marriage, remembering the text that I had read in the scriptures and also the words we receive in the temple endowment. I wanted to help, and so I listened carefully and sought communication with the Spirit.
I was finally prompted to ask her a couple of questions. I asked her, "Sister, do you have a testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ?" She said, "Yes." I asked her then, "Do you keep all of the sacred covenants that you have received in the holy house of the Lord?" She answered, "I think so." I asked her to tell me about her husband. "Does he believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?" Again she said, "I think so." I asked her if he lived in harmony with the covenants of the temple. Once more she answered in the affirmative.
Then I heard myself say, "I remember that we talked earlier, before you were married. You came to me with questions about the purpose of your life as a church member living away from the center of the Church and with no prospects of marriage. I remember that we had this conversation once. I hear you complaining now about your husband, how clumsy he is and how you suffer from his lack of education, how you cannot have a stimulating conversation with him, and how he does not like the same kind of music you like, and other things. Could it be that you have a wonderful opportunity here? Could it be that we are not meant to find ourselves but to lose ourselves?
"Instead of looking at all of the things that separate you from your husband, you have the great opportunity to see inside of him and see the hidden beauty because he is, like yourself, a child of God. Therefore, he has the potential of a god in him, but the only way it can grow inside of him is if he finds someone who loves him and who looks through his behavior, his lack of education, who sees the beauty of his character and the beauty of his spirit. He needs someone who treats him as if he were already at that level where he would be acceptable to you. Could that be the purpose of your life, to help bring this man to the celestial kingdom?"
I could see that my words did not sit well with her. She took it like swallowing a bitter pill. She was obviously not happy about my counsel. Yet thirty-five years later, when Sister Busche and I were in a stake conference, we saw a couple sitting in the congregation who caught my attention. On both sides sat children and grandchildren. I was touched by the tender love I observed between the husband and wife, and then I noticed that she was considerably taller than her husband. Suddenly, it struck me, can this be the same couple from all those years before? I saw them cuddling together, she holding his hand and looking at him with a tender awareness of her partner's strength and dignity. As I continued to be fascinated by them, I recognized that she was indeed the one with whom I had talked to many years earlier, who had left my office so distraught. With the greatest feelings of joy, I was permitted to witness that, yes, she had done it. I could now see that she would not give up her husband for anything in the world.
I learned that he had become successful in his building and construction career. Their children and grandchildren were all together, smiling and happy. We must understand the reality of the Living God and what He, through His Spirit, can do in our lives, when we focus on him and do the things that He will whisper to our souls. The things that look too difficult for us to master are in reality opportunities for growth. For me, this sister will always stand as an example of how we can turn a challenge into a great success when we focus totally and completely on the Living God. I wish that we would all learn from that wonderful sister who has glorified her life by not wondering, "What's in it for me?" but by asking, "What does the Lord want me to do?"
It's a good read, with lots of anecdotes about what life was like growing up in Nazi Germany. Elder Busche tells his history with examples as well as analysis of what was going on at that time. He really gives unusual context for the thinking and prevailing culture of the decades during and after the second World War. Then he recounts his conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and tells the stories of his experiences with the church over the course of his lifetime.
These stories are unusually frank and intimate. He recounts his struggles and challenges candidly and in a way that his readers can learn from. I was most impressed with the period he was a branch president in Dortmund and led his congregation in building their own chapel. The way he balanced work, family life, and church service was amazing. It's faith-promoting to read about someone so committed to doing the right thing. His readers have to respect his commitment to living the high character standards set by his father. I also enjoyed the many photographs that show his growth and his family's changes over the decades.
Elder Busche also shares many faith-promoting stories of people he's known over the years, from business associates to destitute and humble members of his congregation. Their stories and impact on him are fascinating. It's also uplifting to read about the many miracles in his life and how he attributes them to the Lord. The title is apt; he seeks the Lord and continually finds Him.
********************************************************************************
Here's a sample from the chapter "Saints of the World." Pages 230-233 - I want to remember this example because it's a beautiful reminder of where our hearts should be! And how differently the world views these issues...
In the early yeas of my membership I had the opportunity to counsel with one young sister who was going to get married. She was about twenty-nine years old and was a refugee. She was very educated, articulate, and talented. She had also been on a mission. She had met a young member who was just twenty-one. He had hardly any education and was a blue-collar worker. Not only was he much younger than she was, but he was also much shorter.
I saw nothing wrong with them getting together because I feel that when two people are committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ, all other aspects do not mater. I believe that under the influence of the Spirit, any marriage can become a success. They were married in the temple. However, about a year later, the sister came to me again and said, "I've made a terrible mistake." She was crying and said, "I cannot go through with this." I was shocked. I felt, in my innocence, that there was no way anyone could get out of a temple marriage, remembering the text that I had read in the scriptures and also the words we receive in the temple endowment. I wanted to help, and so I listened carefully and sought communication with the Spirit.
I was finally prompted to ask her a couple of questions. I asked her, "Sister, do you have a testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ?" She said, "Yes." I asked her then, "Do you keep all of the sacred covenants that you have received in the holy house of the Lord?" She answered, "I think so." I asked her to tell me about her husband. "Does he believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?" Again she said, "I think so." I asked her if he lived in harmony with the covenants of the temple. Once more she answered in the affirmative.
Then I heard myself say, "I remember that we talked earlier, before you were married. You came to me with questions about the purpose of your life as a church member living away from the center of the Church and with no prospects of marriage. I remember that we had this conversation once. I hear you complaining now about your husband, how clumsy he is and how you suffer from his lack of education, how you cannot have a stimulating conversation with him, and how he does not like the same kind of music you like, and other things. Could it be that you have a wonderful opportunity here? Could it be that we are not meant to find ourselves but to lose ourselves?
"Instead of looking at all of the things that separate you from your husband, you have the great opportunity to see inside of him and see the hidden beauty because he is, like yourself, a child of God. Therefore, he has the potential of a god in him, but the only way it can grow inside of him is if he finds someone who loves him and who looks through his behavior, his lack of education, who sees the beauty of his character and the beauty of his spirit. He needs someone who treats him as if he were already at that level where he would be acceptable to you. Could that be the purpose of your life, to help bring this man to the celestial kingdom?"
I could see that my words did not sit well with her. She took it like swallowing a bitter pill. She was obviously not happy about my counsel. Yet thirty-five years later, when Sister Busche and I were in a stake conference, we saw a couple sitting in the congregation who caught my attention. On both sides sat children and grandchildren. I was touched by the tender love I observed between the husband and wife, and then I noticed that she was considerably taller than her husband. Suddenly, it struck me, can this be the same couple from all those years before? I saw them cuddling together, she holding his hand and looking at him with a tender awareness of her partner's strength and dignity. As I continued to be fascinated by them, I recognized that she was indeed the one with whom I had talked to many years earlier, who had left my office so distraught. With the greatest feelings of joy, I was permitted to witness that, yes, she had done it. I could now see that she would not give up her husband for anything in the world.
I learned that he had become successful in his building and construction career. Their children and grandchildren were all together, smiling and happy. We must understand the reality of the Living God and what He, through His Spirit, can do in our lives, when we focus on him and do the things that He will whisper to our souls. The things that look too difficult for us to master are in reality opportunities for growth. For me, this sister will always stand as an example of how we can turn a challenge into a great success when we focus totally and completely on the Living God. I wish that we would all learn from that wonderful sister who has glorified her life by not wondering, "What's in it for me?" but by asking, "What does the Lord want me to do?"
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